The End

The End
by Raederle Phoenix
2005: Junior Year

Immaturity and insecurity,
stuck with these obsessions
of all my possessions.
I'm constantly making these confessions.

Fear,
that I'm taking it too far.
Paranoid,
even of a passing car.

I feel like my thoughts really are on a train;
from crane to insane to in my grave I'm lain.

Rearranged,
sorted and deranged,
contorted,
I'm feeling morbid.

You see red, but I see black.
When you say what you say,
I hear lies.
It defies all these lies by bringing it all to end,
so I can rest,
nothing more to defend,
put down my crest,
and just let me rest.

Just when I think it's over,
then,
that's when I lend out my hand,
and it begins all over again.

Maybe

Maybe
by Raederle Phoenix
2005; Junior Year


Flip-flops on
tip tops
running through raindrops
listening to hip hop
mirrored the insanity that just had to stop.

Watching this vanity,
scotch poured into the calamity,
just lost my sanity
two lines before the flip
between the top of the flop
I had to stop.

Because I'm wildly confused and mildly amused
by the help they've refused.

I'm dazed with fire,
and crazed down to wire.
This lack of intimacy,
this following discrepancy.
This spectacular vernacular that is applauded
and enjoyed is the same heart that's been destroyed.
An open void.

So let me hold my cold bed sheets,
and let me chew my old sweet treats,
and let me yell out, "this is not defeat."

This is a new start,
within my heart,
because I've come to find that sometimes love is blind,
and sometimes love is in the mind.

Let me hold onto this brown bear,
let me tell you the lie that I don't care.
Because I do care how it really wasn't fair,
but my indifference is what brought us there.

Maybe this is my payback.
Maybe I can take a day to slack.
Maybe this is our way to admit fact.
Because I'm standing on white sands I've never seen,
and swimming in water I never dreamed.

I'm still afraid,
maybe that's just the way I was made.
There will be more trampled mud to come,
there will be a shortage of sun,
and out come the storm clouds and mean crowds.

Turn on these dim lights,
fight some unless fights.
Fray the edges,
trim the hedges and
stumble over broken ledges.
Let me wedge my words into you,
and make you see what I see,
and take another sip of this bud tea.

This isn't really me.
This isn't really to be.
This chi is not for free.
Sit back and sigh,
hit slack and die.
Admit fact don't lie.
Shit mac and fries.

Spark

Spark
by Raederle Phoenix
2005; Junior Year


Emptiness 

where there once was perfection.
I had been the selection, 

turned the wrong direction
and at this election 

I was cast away.
Needless to say 

in this;
dark, stale, bleak, musty room.
Stark, pale, weak, dusty gloom.
I remember the red moon,
the dark beach,
holding you like a leach.

Walking through this void of emotion,
and this lack of devotion.
Throwing myself away,
I woke up to another dreary day.
It was all as if to say,
“hey, you try, you cry,
and you try again,
but no matter what,
you’re just falling in a rut.”
With that thought,
you’re wanna give up,
give in, dig in and dig out
and wail about,
and down comes my sail,
frail,
the boat sinks...

I’m at the edge of a cliff inside my mind,
I’m just walking around blind.
Then, inside the nullified insides there is a red spark as his lips touch mine,
and the blade is removed, and the emotions are reproved.
I no longer care,
because I’ve got something more than fair.

Persian Prince

Persian Prince
by Raederle Phoenix
2005; Junior Year

White sands I've never seen,
Clear water I've never dreamed,
So clear and keen in my mind,
This sight could drive you blind.

Light shining like a sunset,
Night though it is you bet.
So sweet, so sour, so bright,
around this figure, what a sight.

If only you could see this,
Then all the war would cease.
This feeling, a perfect relief.
This is My Prince of Peace.

New Start

New Start
by Raederle Phoenix
2005
Junior Year

I'm an optimist, and my glass is half full...

I'm a lover,
I'm a sucker,
and I've taken the time to bother,
and take you in like a mother,
and you left,
and it'll turn out for the best,
for me at least,
you dirty beast,
you're loss,
shut up,
see who's boss,
and ...
I just don't care,
how it wasn't really fair,
and I'm just don't care,
the way I see you lookin' from over there,
and I just wont stare,
not anymore,
nothing more for you to score,
because what was before,
is now dead.
It's all been said,
and I've been led to see a new light,
and I've found it quite bright,
and everything is right,
even though you're out of sight.
I wont put up a fight,
and I wont come back.
Hit the sack,
and swallow a fact,
lay back,
type on this mac,
and see that I have all that I need,
right here to feed,
and breed a new seed
to lead a new generation of heart broken teens,
and sparkin' up fiends,
and here I am,
not giving a damn.
I've passed my own exam,
and I've come to find,
that I'm not so blind,
and I'm not so kind,
but I've come to find,
I love my own mind.