Thursday, November 3, 2005

Beyond Reality


Beyond Reality
by Raederle Phoenix
2005-2010

Anxiety,
standing before society,
watching the confusion,
observing the diffusion,
coming to crying-conclusions 
from your high-solutions
and dying-delusions.
Here you sigh,
cause you don’t wanna here my—
anthem, my mottos,
stuck in the ghetto
without the fro,
without the flow,
knowing 
you want me to go.

Speaking,
defy your wishes of my sleeping,
let me spring something deep,
let it creep,
and crawl into you,
sprawl into your mind—
drawl and unwind.
You’ll find that I’m not as blind 
as your stereotypes prove.
Hearing, “dyke move,” 
n’ “you’re cool, but you ain’t got no groove.”

I’ll take the brunt of it, 
fronts full of it.
Rage rising,
and turn the page,
and at this stage 
fire pours out of a hole in time,
a gap that is mine,
a void, a sign.

Sign of change,
out of this derange 
will come a reprieve for the repressed— 
thoughts fighting to be expressed.
It’s a mess out there,
but under the hair,
the skull,
inside the mind,
you can find,
something worth saying,
something worth praying for,
something more,
for humans as a whole to endure 
and come to adore.
Let the beauty of it soar,
because this is what I’m here for.

The flames from the void grow.
It has no vocabulary, 
it’s sedentary,
but it knows all the words,
and burns brightly in each being,
each organism comprised 
of these atomic 
particles of truth.

You can’t touch it,
you can’t grok it,
and yet you are it.

Lights and energies,
with no enemies,
no wars,
nothing before,
nothing after,
no time,
nothing to find.

This perfect communication,
is the worlds salvation.
It’s been here since before creation,
and it lives in divination,
with a huge deviation.

Misplaced, erased and defaced 
this common familiarity
and replaced it with sincerity
and intensity
of this discrepancy
that would be so easily avoided if you could see what I see,
and discuss over some bud tea.

No more one way conversations,
as comes true communication,
and substantial salutations.

This wordscape of perfection is made of energies,
lights so bright,
something beyond mortal sight,
beyond this physical fights.
This is something really quite spectacular,
this is the universal vernacular.

– Raederle Phoenix

Note: This was originally written in 2005 when was a junior in high school. It presents a stream-of-consciousness experience of how I felt about school, my life, and my newfound perception of energy-patterns behind everything which was said. It was a universal language – or a universal vernacular. I was inspired by this experience and thus attempted to capture it in a poem.

© 2005–2025 Raederle Phoenix West. Some Rights Reserved.
This poem/song/rap is the original work of Raederle Phoenix West. 
You may share it digitally for non-commercial purposes, 
as long as full credit is given and the text remains unaltered. 
Any commercial use, performance, or adaptation requires written permission.

Saturday, October 8, 2005

Can’t Relate

 

Can’t Relate

by Raederle Phoenix

2005: Junior Year


You probably can’t relate,

You probably think I’m outspoken,

You’ll probably be late,

You’ll probably leave me broken.

It’s not okay. I’m not well.

I’m alone and miserable.

And you can’t even tell.


I know you can’t relate,

I know you think I’m outspoken,

You are always late,

You always leave me broken.

It’s never okay and never well.

I’m alone and so miserable.

Can’t you tell?


You don’t relate.

You’ve left me broken.

You’re too late.

I’ve already spoken.

I’m okay, I’m well.

You’re alone, you’re miserable.

Revenge was inevitable,

Couldn’t you tell?


— Raederle Phoenix

2005 (Age 16)


© 2005 Raederle Phoenix West. Some Rights Reserved.

This poem is the original work of Raederle Phoenix West. You may share them digitally for non-commercial purposes, as long as full credit is given and the text remains unaltered. Any commercial use, performance, or adaptation requires written permission.

Tuesday, April 5, 2005

Hood Boo

 
Hood Boo
by Raederle Phoenix
2005: Junior Year

Note: This poem is written in this style for effect, and is designed to capture an essence of a life that existed at the time it was written, which was when I was a teenager. More notes at the end.


wasting my time, on a dick boo;
he’s sellin’ those great dimes, and nics too;
chewing on sweet lime, and licking the dew;
hearing through the grape-vine, about weed inna bic, true.
he don’t know how it hurts inside, when it all falls through;
he don’t even confide, in his crew;
he don’t ever lie, but he’s never all true;
he’ll make you cry, and make it up to you.

he makes it so I can’t concentrate.
we quake and always debate.
he always making me wait
on the only way I sedate.

he want me to spit, and not read what I writ,
I want ‘em to slip, and dig outta a crypt,
sayin’ I’m not fit with no right knit,
he tells me to shut up and sit.

he talks about big clips, and eating me up,
he lickin’ my sweet ‘lit, and eating it up.
he thinks he’s all that, and a bag of chips,
he calls me hypocrite, while hugging my hips.

he makes it so I can’t concentrate.
with myself I always debate.
he always coming home late,
but he’s the only way I can sedate.

spending my time, on this trick,
he sellin’ the great dime, and a nic,
eating this sour lime, for a lick,
he buying me sweet wine, and making me tick.

awake, I can’t concentrate.
please take away my debate
about whether it’s too late.
but he’s the only way I can sedate.

he don’t know...
he don’t know...
he don’t know...

but look a little closer, 
you will see,
he’s not a poser, 
and he loves me.

— Raederle Phoenix
2005

© 2005-2025 Raederle Phoenix West. Some Rights Reserved.
This poem is the original work of Raederle Phoenix West. 
You may share them digitally for non-commercial purposes, 
as long as full credit is given and the text remains unaltered. 
Any commercial use, performance, or adaptation requires written permission.

Notes: 

In 2025 I have edited some of the punctuation, changed the title to Hood Boo rather than Hood Relations (which is clearly a better thematic fit), and a few words to help the rhythm flow a little better; but it is mostly unaltered from the original 2005 version written when I was sixteen. 

It was inspired by my relationship with my second love, especially the particulars like hiding weed in a pen (bic), and his penchant for half-truths (never all true). I believe it was actually an acquaintance rather than the boyfriend pressuring me to learn to freestyle (spit) rather than writing/reading my (writ) poetry. 

This poem was intended to capture more than my own experience, however, and to be more broadly about other girls in my cohort who were in similar relationships which were full of turbulence – yet also intimacy and deep affection.

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Teenage Polytheism

 
Teenage Polytheism
by Raederle Phoenix
2005-2007


Bast has thrown a festival for my piety,

Seth has given me strength for the society,

Venus has brought my love out to pour,

Mars has enlisted me into a holy war!


Whirling, twirling, swirling, 

I’m dizzy and I’m curling,

into a ball, because I’m afraid to fall,

and I’m beginning to crawl,

I can’t walk anymore,

I can’t talk like before,

I’m changing, and I’m blaming

you for me never being the same,

and I’m folding this paper into a crane,

the way you move your neck,

to see what I’m about to peck.

this berry, so sweet and red,

I’m twisting, turning, into a new fight,

burning into a new realm of sight,

learning but it’s blurry and hazy,


Have I always been so lazy?

Have I always been so crazy?


I don’t remember being a member

of this December weather.

I don’t know how I always missed the flow,

and was looked on with woe.

I’m inside out, no longer any time to pout.

This is no time to flout.

But let me tell you what this is about...


I’ve made so many mistakes,

bigger than all of the great lakes,

and I’m telling you for goodness sake,

I have finally come to this great wake.


You know what you have seen,

such a blundering silly teen,

but no more of this sippy-cup,

it’s time for me to finally grow up.


By 
Raederle Phoenix
2005-2007

Note: I wrote this when I was, of course, a teenager. The first draft comes from 2005 when I was 16, and made a major update in 2007 when I was 18. It would feel wrong to change it much now (in 2025) but I have changed the punctuation a little and took out a word I didn't quite understand back then . . .

© 2005-2025 Raederle Phoenix West. Some Rights Reserved.
These lyrics are the original work of Raederle Phoenix West. You may share them digitally for non-commercial purposes, as long as full credit is given and the text remains unaltered. Any commercial use, performance, or adaptation requires written permission.


Friday, February 4, 2005

The Little Train That Can’t

 
The Little Train That Can’t
by Raederle Phoenix
2005: Junior Year

I write rants.
I hate pants.
I eat plants.
I can’t, I can’t, I can’t...

I can’t let you know what’s on my mind.
I can’t let you glow, that’s my find.
I can’t let... I can’t...

I’m not the little train that could.
I’m the little train that would.
I’m the little train that should.

I’m the little girl who didn’t.
I’m the whirl that sweeps me down.
I’m the girl that fell to the ground.
I’ve left without swirl or sound.

I’m not a square, I’m quite round.
I’m in this dare to be found.
You can’t find me,
You can’t relate to me...

You can’t, you can’t, you can’t...
You’re the little quirk that said it.
You’re the little squirt that did this.
You’re the cold one with an dark kiss.

I can’t... I won’t... You can’t...
You can’t leave me tonight.
I won’t leave without a fight.
I can’t make you see this right.

I think I should,
I think I would,
I think I can’t,
I think I can’t...

I know I can’t.
I know I can’t.
I know I can’t,
but I think we could.

— Raederle Phoenix
2005

© 2005 Raederle Phoenix West. Some Rights Reserved.
This poem is the original work of Raederle Phoenix West. 
You may share them digitally for non-commercial purposes, 
as long as full credit is given and the text remains unaltered. 
Any commercial use, performance, or adaptation requires written permission.

Note: Like my other poetry from 2005, I was sixteen at the time. This was partly inspired by my second love, but it was more a general expression that there was magic in togetherness – that believing in oneself was insufficient to achieve all that I wanted. Looking back (in 2025), I can see the beginning threads of much more sophisticated thoughts I expressed much later in essays on community.

Monday, January 3, 2005

Rising From Ashes

Rising From Ashes
by Raederle Phoenix


I know this is really late,
and undoubtedly overdue;
But I finally feel that fate
brought me to do
Something I would hate
just the way I’m supposed to.

And at first I wasn’t certain,
wasn’t sure if it was right
to close the tattered curtain.
Yet in this new line of sight
I have a new perspective,
and the spirits calmed my plight.

I didn’t know if I was ready,
or if I had moved on,
But now that my heart is steady,
I know it’s not a con.
This weight has been heavy
on my heart, but anon:

Hearing the echo of the past,
in contrast to your song,
I’m glad what didn’t last
was making room for us all along.
My heart is beating so fast,
because I know what’s been wrong.

I wasn’t so sure that I had made
the right decision,
With you I was so afraid
that it was short lived collision
Just to make the pain fade,
to repeat my past transitions.

Now I’m so happy I know
that it wasn’t all in vein.
I was conditioned to the snow,
the ice, the callous game,
And you’ve set me free and so
I can be free of this pain.

At times I’ve been unsure,
and doubted my own reasons,
But I have adjusted; I prefer
the rhythm of your seasons,
You’ve got the stir
that I need 
to forgive my own treasons.

I sighed in contentment today
as I realized that you’re mine,
I bowed my head down to pray,
for you to be the one I dine
After I walk down the isle one day.
That would be more than okay.