Maybe

Maybe
by Raederle Phoenix
2005; Junior Year


Flip-flops on
tip tops
running through raindrops
listening to hip hop
mirrored the insanity that just had to stop.

Watching this vanity,
scotch poured into the calamity,
just lost my sanity
two lines before the flip
between the top of the flop
I had to stop.

Because I'm wildly confused and mildly amused
by the help they've refused.

I'm dazed with fire,
and crazed down to wire.
This lack of intimacy,
this following discrepancy.
This spectacular vernacular that is applauded
and enjoyed is the same heart that's been destroyed.
An open void.

So let me hold my cold bed sheets,
and let me chew my old sweet treats,
and let me yell out, "this is not defeat."

This is a new start,
within my heart,
because I've come to find that sometimes love is blind,
and sometimes love is in the mind.

Let me hold onto this brown bear,
let me tell you the lie that I don't care.
Because I do care how it really wasn't fair,
but my indifference is what brought us there.

Maybe this is my payback.
Maybe I can take a day to slack.
Maybe this is our way to admit fact.
Because I'm standing on white sands I've never seen,
and swimming in water I never dreamed.

I'm still afraid,
maybe that's just the way I was made.
There will be more trampled mud to come,
there will be a shortage of sun,
and out come the storm clouds and mean crowds.

Turn on these dim lights,
fight some unless fights.
Fray the edges,
trim the hedges and
stumble over broken ledges.
Let me wedge my words into you,
and make you see what I see,
and take another sip of this bud tea.

This isn't really me.
This isn't really to be.
This chi is not for free.
Sit back and sigh,
hit slack and die.
Admit fact don't lie.
Shit mac and fries.

Spark

Spark
by Raederle Phoenix
2005; Junior Year


Emptiness 

where there once was perfection.
I had been the selection, 

turned the wrong direction
and at this election 

I was cast away.
Needless to say 

in this;
dark, stale, bleak, musty room.
Stark, pale, weak, dusty gloom.
I remember the red moon,
the dark beach,
holding you like a leach.

Walking through this void of emotion,
and this lack of devotion.
Throwing myself away,
I woke up to another dreary day.
It was all as if to say,
“hey, you try, you cry,
and you try again,
but no matter what,
you’re just falling in a rut.”
With that thought,
you’re wanna give up,
give in, dig in and dig out
and wail about,
and down comes my sail,
frail,
the boat sinks...

I’m at the edge of a cliff inside my mind,
I’m just walking around blind.
Then, inside the nullified insides there is a red spark as his lips touch mine,
and the blade is removed, and the emotions are reproved.
I no longer care,
because I’ve got something more than fair.

Persian Prince

Persian Prince
by Raederle Phoenix
2005; Junior Year

White sands I've never seen,
Clear water I've never dreamed,
So clear and keen in my mind,
This sight could drive you blind.

Light shining like a sunset,
Night though it is you bet.
So sweet, so sour, so bright,
around this figure, what a sight.

If only you could see this,
Then all the war would cease.
This feeling, a perfect relief.
This is My Prince of Peace.

New Start

New Start
by Raederle Phoenix
2005
Junior Year

I'm an optimist, and my glass is half full...

I'm a lover,
I'm a sucker,
and I've taken the time to bother,
and take you in like a mother,
and you left,
and it'll turn out for the best,
for me at least,
you dirty beast,
you're loss,
shut up,
see who's boss,
and ...
I just don't care,
how it wasn't really fair,
and I'm just don't care,
the way I see you lookin' from over there,
and I just wont stare,
not anymore,
nothing more for you to score,
because what was before,
is now dead.
It's all been said,
and I've been led to see a new light,
and I've found it quite bright,
and everything is right,
even though you're out of sight.
I wont put up a fight,
and I wont come back.
Hit the sack,
and swallow a fact,
lay back,
type on this mac,
and see that I have all that I need,
right here to feed,
and breed a new seed
to lead a new generation of heart broken teens,
and sparkin' up fiends,
and here I am,
not giving a damn.
I've passed my own exam,
and I've come to find,
that I'm not so blind,
and I'm not so kind,
but I've come to find,
I love my own mind.

I Want

I want; I need:
You give; You Have.
By Raederle Phoenix

2009-2010


I need the essential sensuality,
I want the perfect personality.
I'll show you my hospitality,
If you'll treat me gentlemanly.

I'll give you love as your reward,
So don't come looking for awards.
My home isn't your personal ward,
Bring your sanity if you can afford

To buy me flowers and dinner,
For a true sign take this as a glimmer
Of hope, don't fret about being a sinner,
If you want to be the real winner;

Take me to the real girl parks,
Roller coasters and vicious snarks,
Hide behind the bushes for a quick lark,
with all your affection, sure to hit the mark.

I don't want Gucci or Gabbana,
You see what I really wanna
Have is your time, perhaps in a sauna.
Give me real food and a Honda.

Give me your essential sensuality,
Show me your perfect personality,
I'll give you all my honesty, my loyalty,
My love, kisses and all of my vitality.

Because I'm an old fashioned girl,
I want to clean and cook swirls.
I'll wear my hair straight or in curls,
Whatever you dare, that's how it unfurls.

I'm not in this for gluttony,
I want to be inside your discovery,
Of a girl unafraid of fantasy,
For your love, you get ecstasy.

I'm looking for some inspiration,
Hard work and perspiration,
Be my muse for my creations,
The cause of all my elation.

Have no fear of betrayal,
Things won't ever get stale,
As long as we're learning together,
There's no reason for this to fail.


By Raederle Phoenix
2009-2010

© 2009-2010 Raederle Phoenix West. Some Rights Reserved.

These lyrics are the original work of Raederle Phoenix West. You may share them digitally for non-commercial purposes, as long as full credit is given and the text remains unaltered. Any commercial use, performance, or adaptation requires written permission.

Nothing but Names

Nothing but Names

By Raederle Phoenix

2007-2009

I am your lover, your slave.

I’m a typical woman to my grave.

I’m a bitch and a brat,

I’m as slick as a cat.

I’m pretty and plain, not fat.

I’m a trickster, not to be trusted.

You say a lot, until my heart is busted.

Held up so high, burned down and defy;

On praise and joy, yet another ploy.

I’m a lover, a slave, a liar to the grave.

I’m a bitch, a brat, a player, a cat.

I’m stupid, retarded, demented, twisted.

I’m the girl next door, nevermore.

Plain as the rain, easily slain.

You like me like this, you like me in pain.

I have everything to lose, everything to gain.

Go ahead, call me one more name.

I’m a lover, a slave, a bitch to the grave.

I’m a brat, a trickster, a woman, and I crave.

I’m stupid, twisted, demented, retarded.

I’m dirty. I’m crazy. I’m flirty. I’m lazy.

I’m a typical, lying bitch; words hazy.

A snake, a sliver, totally untrustworthy.

I’m alone picking a daisy.

He loves me, he love me not.

He loves me... Fuck – He loves me not.

I’m a girl, a babe, a sweety, a shorty.

I’m a brat, I’m a bitch, it’s all the same.

How come I’m nothing despite all my names?

By Raederle Phoenix West

2007-2009

👉🏻 Note: This was written about a specific relationship that I was in from 2007 to 2009 with my third love. This poem was demonstrating how I took on the names he called me, and what it did to my self-esteem to be treated that way. These are not representations of how I ever actually believed myself to be. It's a performance, a poem, to represent an emotional experience. 🙏🏻

© 2007-2009 Raederle Phoenix West. Some Rights Reserved.

These lyrics are the original work of Raederle Phoenix West. You may share them digitally for non-commercial purposes, as long as full credit is given and the text remains unaltered. Any commercial use, performance, or adaptation requires written permission.

Dread

 

Dread
by Raederle Phoenix
2006-2007

One-hundred-percent dread,

Drumming to the beat of the dead,

Humming to this emotion fed,

Crumbs, the feeling in your bed,

Fluff the pillow, lay your head;

Down and feel the anticipation;

Foreboding and lack of concentration,

Holding onto a glass of fermentation,

Forwarding the path of procrastination,

Folding into a pattern of degradation.

I’m sauntering on a path of bleak mud,

I’m walking with creak and thud,

I am sinking deeper into this crud.

I’m circling a stale expectation of;

Grooving to a silent sickness that curdles my blood.

~Raederle Phoenix
2006-2007

Note: I was sixteen when I wrote this and experimenting with multi-rhymes (bleak mud / creak and thud) wherever I could fit them in. I was also in arguably the darkest period of my life. I'd been through a house fire, a move, a violent on-and-off relationship, drug experimentation, suicidal urges, and a desperation to find something better for myself. Thankfully, I did. But the darkness in this poem reflects that period of my life and how it felt.

© 2006-2007 Raederle Phoenix West. Some Rights Reserved.

These lyrics are the original work of Raederle Phoenix West. You may share them digitally for non-commercial purposes, as long as full credit is given and the text remains unaltered. Any commercial use, performance, or adaptation requires written permission.